Woke up in the morning,
prepared and met Jolyn and Chinmei for early lunch at Toastbox.
Partly 'cause it's my off day and i still want to see Spoon.
Reached there, got a sit and then i went to place order.
He knew i don't take barley 'cause that time i asked him if the drink can be changed for the curry chicken set and he said no.
Then when i order set, and additional ice-milo he was abit shocked and confirmed that total there will be 4 drinks.
Then while they are eating, i was on my iPod watching music core and inkigayo performances of G.NA, SHINee and BoA!
Then i said some ridiculous things which i've never said before to chinmei.
Things like 'he (referring to Spoon) is cuter' etc etc.
Then Chinmei went off and me and jolyn went to walk around.
After that 1.30pm he just nice break, but he went with another wear spec guy.
So i sat at the stairs where i usually sit and meimei came for her break!
then we head in and sit at the pillar there near toastbox.
then chatted with her and the toastbox auntie.
and around 2.30 he came back with the guy and during that time,
me and meimei was talking about our crush and just nice it's on my topic.
She also guessed that it's from toastbox, guessed that he wear specs. but she didn't guess it's him.
then when the both of them walk past, she said it might not be these 2 but the one with white frame specs.
and when i look up at them, Spoon smiled to me.
then i forgot how, but i slowly told meimei that it's actually one of them out of the 2 and she guessed who it was alr.
then she asked me to help her buy hot milo and teased me as well.
after that i slacked and loitered till 4pm + then jolyn just nice break so she came to find me at the pillar.
and then after awhile, i saw him taking out his apron and hat. so i knew he's going home.
i was really damn nervous at that time and jolyn said it look as though i lost my soul.
but when he came out, i don't dare look at him and idk if he did look at me.
and after he took his bag, he didn't go by the usual way he went out.
and i was feeling very dejected....
i'm wondering if he knew that i'm waiting for him, i'm wondering if qianxia did tell him during her break that i'm waiting for him...

i went to take bus after jolyn end her break.
and i missed one bus, i don't know why. it takes a long time for the bus uncle to return from their break, but i still missed that first bus.
'cause i wanted to try my luck, that i might be able to take the same bus as him. but no.
on the bus, i felt so much like crying.
when i reached home, i on the air-con in my room and cried myself to sleep.
i thought i'll be okay when i wake up, but no.
i felt even more worse. so i took out the DIY cake and ate it.
eat halfway, i threw it away and went to mum's room to look for her.
when she saw me inside her room, she looked at me.
with a normal expression, i opened my arms and asked her to hug me.
as usual, she hugged me and i automatically cried.
she was shocked, and asked me what happened.
starting i tried not to tell her. so she guessed.
she asked is it 'cause he got a girlf. alr? i said no.
she asked is it 'cause something happened to one of my close friend? i said no. (from past experience, i told her about something regarding a close friend of mine which made me cry.)
she asked is it 'cause something bad happened to the idols i like? i said no. (that time when TVXQ were filed with the lawsuit and seperated, i cried to her and it's a good thing for me to know that she is willing to listen to me talk about them.)
she asked is it 'cause i quarrelled with a friend of mine? i said no.
then she tell me, if there's anything bothering me, i should say it out to feel better.
so i told her, 'i don't know if i'm thinking too much or what. but i'm scared. i'm afraid he will avoid me or won't smile to me like he usually did when he see me from tomorrow on. 'cause i don't know if my head cashier got tell him that i'm specially waiting for him to knock off. but when he knock off already, he didn't go by the usual way he usually went out. is he like avoiding me or what?' and she just hugged me tighter and comforted me saying it might be 'cause he's got other plans for the afternoon or he don't know i'm waiting for him there so he just went by the other way.
then she patted me and tell me not to think too much.
she said if tmr and other days, he avoid me or didn't smile to me like he usually did, then just give up and stop harbouring hopes in order to lessen the pain inflicted.

and after crying,
i really felt much better.
much more better than crying myself to sleep.
thanks mum, for being there for me. i love you.

오후 9:14