U-Kiss (♥) Kiss-Me

2010년 11월 30일 화요일

i miss you.

despite the many 11:11 wishes i made, none came true.

yes, related to him.

but glad that xiaomei's wish came true (:

her boyf. lost his phone yet still called her.

he loves her deep enough.

and it leads me to thinking about him.

leads me to thinking about what mei said before,

if he really loves me, he'd actually get a phone even if its a cheap one.

but he didn't.

and that one day when he uses his room-mate's phone to call me,

was 'cause winnie told him i'm waiting for his call despite me being sick.

and end up i cried again.

idk if it's 'cause of what's on my mind (about him) or is it 'cause i'm feeling giddy and headache.

going to City Hall to collect my JYJ albums from gorgeousempire tomorrow ^^

it finally arrived ~

and my items from DBS also arrived!

and they'll be delivering it to my house, saying it will arrive by 6 to 8pm.

oh wait. that means i got to quickly rush home after collecting from City Hall!

or should i just meet at Jurong Point, 1 to 2pm?

오후 11:24

2010년 11월 29일 월요일

Met up with panda.

intended to eat at toastbox, but end up at BBQ Chicken.

talked about how FAIL MAMA is and yeah.

slacked at mc cafe till 5pm+ talking about guys.

both of us were super tired.

read what Alpha Ent. has posted with regards to JYP Audition.

Makes me have the urge to join 'cause if you're selected, they will provide you with air ticket to Korea, accomodation, training expenses and all. Basically everything except for your daily cash allowance perhaps for shopping or what? Yes, even food they provide for you. Guess it's just those shampoos and all which you got to get by yourself.

3 songs to be burned in a cd, but idk which 3 songs to choose.

and it's coming up on either 8 or 9 dec.

even if you don't get in the finals and chosen by them, they will actually still consider to take you in to train you.

what's there to lose?

if i get selected, i get to be away from this fucked up family of mine for more than half a year.

if i get selected, i get to accomplish my dream of both going to korea and being a singer.

then i went inside that mum's room to ask her 'if i ever get in JYP audition, will you and dad provide me with money for my expenses there?' and she say 'go pray to your grandpa let me strike 4D...' then pause awhile then she continue 'who ask you can work don't want work?' and etc etc. make me fucking pissed off.

instead of like encouraging me, you nagged at me and all.

do you even know the REAL reason why i don't want to work for this month?!

and hello, it's just this one month which i'm not working, why are both you and dad so fucking annoying, asking me to work when i already said 'I DIDN'T QUIT! I'LL BE BACK TO WORK IN DEC!' now tell me, which part of the sentence do you all not understand?!

then what about that brother of mine?!

he don't want to study and don't want to work at like macdonalds' or something!

how long has it been since he didn't went to school?!

why didn't you all nag at him to go find a work which pays 3.50 or 4.50/hr or something?!

why did you (dad) still give him his everyday allowance when he's just smooching off your money buying game cards and all?!

why did you (mum) still dote on him and treat as though everything about him is alright and didn't nag at him for not going to study or finding a job?!

whenever i ask for my everyday allowance from you (dad) you started nagging at me 'why didn't you work? go back to work. i got no money already. you didn't go work so why should i give you?' IS THIS EVEN HOW A DAD SHOULD TREAT HIS DAUGHTER?!

needless to say about you (mum) who only knows how to take money from me as well! how long has it been since you've given me allowance? how long has it been since you last paid for my handphone bills?

you only know how to nag at me to give you money for my phone bill, and when i show you attitude or when i say i got no money, you scold me. when you ask sis for her phone bill, she show you attitude or say she got no money, you scold her, yes. but after that you just let it go. end up she didn't even need to pay up for it.

I KNOW I'M USELESS, I KNOW I'M NOT AS GREAT AS YOUR ELDEST DAUGHTER AND YOUR YOUNGEST SON! JUST 'CAUSE I'M BORN AS THE SECOND CHILD OF THIS FAMILY DOESN'T MEAN I NEED TO TOLERATE WHATEVER YOU ALL ARE DOING, DOESN'T MEAN I NEED TO SEE HOW BIAS YOU BOTH ARE TOWARDS THE OTHER TWO RIGHT?!

I BLAME YOU (BOTH) FOR GIVING ME BIRTH TO ME. FOR NOT GIVING ME GOOD GENES. I KNOW I DON'T HAVE THE LOOK, I DON'T HAVE THE BRAINS, I GOT A LOT OF FLAWS ON MY BODY (SWEATY PALMS SWEATY FEET NO EYEBROWS AND ALL). YOU KNOW HOW I FUCKING HATED MYSELF ALL THIS WHILE?! YOU KNOW HOW SELF-CONSCIOUS I AM WHEN I'M OUTSIDE?! YOU KNOW HOW I WANTED THOSE RELATIVES OF OURS TO PLACE THEIR ATTENTION ON ME AND PRAISE ME INSTEAD OF THEIR ATTENTION AND PRAISES ON MY BROTHER AND SISTER?! DO YOU KNOW HOW RESTRICTED MY LIFE IS 'CAUSE OF THESE FLAWS WHICH I HAVE?! I CAN'T BUY PRETTY SHOES WHICH I WANT 'CAUSE IF I WEAR THEM I'LL GET UNCOMFORTABLE AND HURT MY FEET. I CAN'T HOLD OTHERS' HANDS AS AND WHEN I WISH TO.

why? why didn't i voice all these out to you all face-to-face before?!

it's not 'cause i'm afraid of getting scolded.

it's 'cause i know saying all these infront of you(s) will make you(s) feel sorry and guilty and whatever shit if you're still humane enough to treat me as your REAL daughter.

i got to bottle up all these disappointments, sadness and anger in my heart.

but now, i really can't tolerate it anymore that i'm voicing it out here.

if my bottle is full and really reach the brink, i have no idea what i'll do...

i'm tired of tolerating all these biasness and bullshits and naggings and scoldings.

오후 9:06

2010년 11월 28일 일요일

JYJ!

Cheer up ~~~

at least the concert still goes on as usual (:

stayed over at cousin's house.

yes, i'm still there.

had a mini party at the 6th floor carpark just now.

damn full ttm.

now my head and eyes are hurting!

just now i almost got locked inside the toilet.

'cause i lock the wrong way and i can't figure out how to unlock.

lucky xena was outside and she pushed the door open from outside, haha.

and chase almost jumped out of the window!

scary scene man! can't imagine what would happen if he really jumped down.

오전 1:49

2010년 11월 26일 금요일

you this useless fatty who don't want to go and study and find a work and just know how to leech money off dad and play useless games at home and just know how to eat play sleep eat play sleep should simply just get out of this family for gods' sake! being the only son in the house you still slack your life away. why? waiting for your future wife to take care of you is it? tsk tsk tsk. might as well go be gigolo right? but i think, nobody will also want you la hor. if you want be a gigolo in the future, at least go slim down lah! so fat nobody will want you okay. and for the $10 you owed me, if you didn't piss me off right at the start when i woke up, i don't mind giving it to you okay. but since i talk nicely to you, you go and scold vulgar at me, what for should i DONATE the $10 you owed me to you right?!

okay, end of post. i tell you, I DIDN'T USE VULGAR IN THIS POST AND I'M PROUD OF IT OKAY.

오후 12:46

2010년 11월 25일 목요일

my birthday present from nana ~ haha.

nothing much happened these past few days.

tuesday went to manpuku for lunch with winnie during her break.

mango sundae is nice!

mood was down and idkw either.

slept quite early on that day. and yeah, he was not working on tuesday ~

Running Man episode 14 finally out, watched finish already.

now streaming WGM chuseok special, haha.

all three couples get together, yay!

Gorgeous Empire going to bring in sneaker heels!

OH YAY! ^^

been wanting it for a long time hahaha.

오후 2:35

2010년 11월 21일 일요일

Was at home receiving LIVE updates on U-Kiss fanmeet and concert at bedok. LOL.

getting high by myself ~ hahaha.

Next day, met Joey and Desiree for lunch at tampines.

actually wanted to eat at toastbox, but no seats so ended up at manpuku.

then after that while going down i saw him working ^^

knew it that instance that he was having his break when we reached. haha.

then headed to bugis, iluma to buy KOI!

hazelnut milk tea super nice, me like! hahaha. but queue very wow!

then went bugis street and i keep telling desiree and joey i don't dare look at people's eyes and scared people stab me. LOL.

then while walking and talking with joey, me and a baby head knocked each other but i didn't turn back and see until joey tell me i knock baby head. LOL.

then i say i never turn back see 'cause i scared is not a baby whom i knocked into HAHAHA.

after that headed to dover, met allison and then me joey and desiree went to SP convention centre.

got seated and started take pictures.

concert started and i video-ed mostly those with kpop songs one LOL.

then yeah. technical prob after the 1st interval. then mc entertain us LOL. funny!

then continued perf and ended.

yadah yadah and went home.

ice-cream waffle tmr with chinmei at e-hub before she leaves for hongkong the next day!

lucky girl! ):

오후 11:39

2010년 11월 19일 금요일

It's 4.16am now and I hope the U-kiss boys are still sound asleep.

Mag unni told me that the organizers said that no hotel wants them, wtf.

anyway, my eyes are very dry right now and idkw either.

been like that the whole day.

Tired but still not sleeping, maybe soon.

Hate how brother coughs...

Irritates me, tsk.

Combed out all the TVXQ music videos from SMEnt & Avexnetwork youtube channel ~

total 44 music videos! daebak, i know.

was watching mirotic dance version mv when i suddenly cried.

i miss them so much, like really, a lot.

the 5ive of them dancing, singing, acting, playing and receiving awards together on stage.

still remember how i used to stay up the whole night just to search for more info on them after i've gotten into their fandom.

still remember how i used to cry tears of happiness with them whenever they win any awards on stage, especially those major ones.

still remember how i used to cry and can only hope for the best that jae's leg injury will get better soon.

still remember how i used to cry and can only hope for the best that nothing will happen to yunho after his drink is being spiked by an anti and being so weak to the extent that his manager got to carry him on his back.

still remember how i cried when i watch their own banjun drama, 'Vacation'. It might just be a banjun theater, but it just seems so real.

still remember how i laughed with them when they did something funny.

those memories of them :')

오전 4:14

2010년 11월 18일 목요일

i want to see them badly ~

ended up didn't went airport see them ):

heard that it was chaos there, tsk.

hopefully they'll have fun in Singapore ~

a hotel with beach view ~ good security ~ hmm.. it's good.

went cousin's house,

aunt cooked spaghetti and it's yummy! ^^

played with chase and he so cute LOL.

got shocked by him a few times which led to me laughing at myself ~

sigh.

i told mum i wanted to see them badly and she say if she strike toto she give me $1000 to buy ticket plus chase. lol.

shitass man. so late already no news from her = confirm never strike one lah.

and u-kiss will be singing BGBG, End of The Road, What, Shut Up, MMHN and another english song ~

oh, and now they're at long beach eating!

they actually entered through the back door, lol.

i pray that when they return, they'll enter via VIP terminal ):

i don't want chaos, squeezing and all then end up like last time like that!

오후 9:20

to go, not to go, to go, not to go ~

end up i decided to at least go airport fetch them.

all thanks to xander ah ~ keep on tweeting about coming to SG ):

make me heart itchy itchy ~ sigh.

and now, it's money issue yet again! hopefully i'm able to get at least $50 from dad ):

swear i almost cried out while worrying over should i REALLY go and money issue ~

anyway, had a great laugh afterwards from seeing xena's tweets to me!

she's talking about my horny dream,

and ask me not to blurt it out when i'm at the airport later on, LOL!

she even say she's going to try, UNDERAGE SEX! LMFAO!

seriously... hahahaha.

oh! songjoongki coming SG!

for Tony Moly promotion ~

how i wish i'm able to see him man ~ that's in dec btw ~ lol.

se7en also coming SG soon ~ haha.

hyunjoong also coming ~ lol.

오전 12:56

2010년 11월 16일 화요일

Happy birthday to my dearest baby Prince HyungShik!

Bet you've been eating lots of food on this day of yours huh?

Especially Big Mac with upsize! O.O hahaha.

Nothing much today.

Rotting at home and watching Running Man!

Joongki & Jongkook the best! hahaha.

Tried downloading QQ but failed.

Sigh.

Now think, so what if i downloaded QQ?

How do i go about asking him to add me or what? Sigh.

No U-Kiss for me ):

No money.

But yet i still spent quite an amount on some items ):

$14 on JYJ normal ed album (another $14 already paid during pre-order)

$20 on 2011 diary/planner

$40 on JYJ NEW special limited ed album!

now left with $25 in bank. sigh sigh sigh ):

오후 7:44

2010년 11월 15일 월요일

got woken up by my dream.

erm...first time i've ever dreamt of such thing and i woke up not believing what i really just dreamt of!

well, i got two different dreams but it's the 2nd dream which woke me up.

first is,

i was driving my cousin's car, then i stop the car and get out.

then another car drive past me, lost control and drop into the sea.

then idk for what reason, my cousin's car auto run by itself and crash into a tree.

then got a policewoman like very tired, help push my car and then sit down and rest by her own O.O

after that my cousin just drove his car away hahaha.

second, which is like the WOW dream.

i was inside a room with ONE of the U-Kiss members.

idrk if it's Xander, or Kevin. Either one of them?

then he was actually quite sad, and i am as well.

then idk what we talked about at the start (i thought i saw Kevin's face/heard his voice?), but suddenly he keep on repeating 'i love you' in canto! (that's what make me think it's xander?)

then i look at him and he ask if i know what it meant.

so i say 'i love you?' and he say i'm clever.

then he keep on repeating again and slowly look as though he's about to cry.

so i asked him what happened, and he said it out, but i can't figure out what did he really say,

then i hugged him and tell him it's okay etc etc.

then slowly, he was sort of like caressing me? then he laid me down and y'know ~

before he did that to me, he interrupt his own story and ask me 'is it ok?' and i actually nodded my head O.O

then yeah, i suppose i don't need to go into details huh.

dirty dream alright.

even i got shocked at what i dreamt of!

like seriously... though i did say to some friends of mine like 'i don't mind having sex with JYJ or U-Kiss' etc etc.

i didn't expect me to really dream of that, ever!

and me saying those stuffs was like one month back or so?

i'll stop here now lol. goodbye.

오전 8:11

Saturday was the day they burned grandpa's body.

I thought I'm strong enough to hold back my tears, but no.

I know he died peacefully, but still...

anw, accompanied sister to AFA, the anime festival.

i'm her so-called photographer for today lol.

and wtf, my camera is going to die soon, i suppose ):

walked around the convention tower with them.

took tons of photos, most are pictures of my sister and chibi.

smuggled inside the fair, thanks to the help of chibi's friend ^^

saved on $8 for the ticket entry haha.

sat down, emo-ed, dazed and went off.

headed to tampines for dinner with sister, yichuin, germaine and gina.

intended to eat toastbox, then changed to BBQ Chicken, but no student meal,

so ended up eat at toastbox.

Met rebecca lol. She's eating there as well!

then sat down, saw miss lee.

then sister and yichuin went to order first and when they came back,

they were like 'why he never give discount' etc etc LOL.

then GinGer's turn to order and when they came back they very happy say 'thanks to you ah, we got 20% disc.' LOL!

then sister and yichuin angry sia HAHAHA.

then headed to manpuku eat ice-cream then to teadot slack and play Monopoly Deal.

after that headed home, and i thought can take same bus as him, but no ):

either he walked home or he is actually still at toastbox there.

but at least,

the stay during AFA was quite fun, dinner was fun with them around and lastly,

at least i saw him.

It felt like a long long time since i've last saw him :')

오전 1:38

2010년 11월 9일 화요일

R.I.P grandpa. Thanks for giving me so many coins to spend when i visited you. Though I insisted on not taking, you still shove the coins into my hand :')
You're a cute grandpa to me, and forever will be.
Enjoy your rootbeer and cigaratte kay?

I wish Spoon was here to give me a hug. It'll make me feel better, alot.

오후 8:24

Long time since i did a quiz. So here goes.

Type down your reactions when someone says these phrases to you.

WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS LIKE THAT?
why can't i be like that? not your problem also right?

I JUST REALIZED NOW THAT I LOVE YOU.
Don't you think it's too late to realize that? My heart ain't with you any longer.

LEAVE HIM/HER ALREADY! YOU'LL BE MUCH MORE HAPPY WITH ME.
No, I won't. You don't understand what happiness really is.

COME ON. SMILE. YOU'RE CUTE WHEN YOU DO!
Why must i smile, just 'cause you told me too? & i don't think i look cute when i smile.

PLEASE DO MY MATH HOMEWORK TOO!
Fuck you. I'm lousier in maths than you are okay.

I AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU .
I'm blessed to have someone like you too (:

WHY DOES MONDAY COME BEFORE TUESDAY?
'cause it feels like it.

I HAVE TWO TICKETS TO THE LINKIN PARK CONCERT. WANNA COME WITH ME?
Sorry, but i'm not interested in him.

YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST SPECIAL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. DID YOU KNOW THAT?
I don't, but now i know. Thankyou (:

I THINK I'M FALLING FOR YOU...
Really? Then confirm your feelings and let me know again. I don't want to raise any hopes up, thankyou.

I CAN'T SMILE WITHOUT YOU...
Are you sure?

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, BUT YOU JUST AREN'T HIM/HER.
I understand.

WHATS YOUR MOBILE NUMBER?
90289092

CAN I HAVE THIS DANCE?
Er...

MAY I ESCORT YOU?
No thanks?

DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM/HER TILL NOW?
Yes.

YOU WERE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED .
are you kidding me?

WHEN WILL I GET YOUR SWEET EYES?
O.O

WHO

Who is in the house with you?
Brother, mum, sister.

Who are you thinking about now?
Him = Spoon = Prince = Li yi

Who did you last talk to on the phone?
Jenies xiaomei

Whose house did you last go to?
Forgotten.

Whose birthday is next?
Desiree panda ^^

Who was the LAST person you loved?
Spoon.

Who do you hope will take this survey?
Anybody.

WHAT's Huh?
an addictive song from 4Minute?

What was the last thing you ate?
Choc Chips subway cookie

What was the last thing you drank?
Seolrim Cookie and Cream shake.

What is the closest item near you that is blue?
my mmc adapter.

What instant messaging service do you use?
MSN?

What is your favorite color?
Red.

What is your most used away message?
i'm bathing.

What is your favorite website?
facebook and twitter.

What is your favorite shoe brand?
not sure.

what song are you currently hearing?
Mentally, Hoot.

WHERE's

Where do you live?
Singapore, Pasir Ris.

Where do you sleep?
on my bed.

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
from KL Times Square, the kpop shop.

WHEN's

When is your birthday?
25th Sept '92

When did you last burn a candle?
on my b'day.

When did you last see your dad?
this morning.

WHY's

Why do we have to go to school?
just to waste our time there 'studying' and making friends.

Why are you doing this survey?
'cause i feel like.

오전 1:17

2010년 11월 8일 월요일

Headed to Tamp1 with Rebecca 'cause she wanna ask for the job at Icing Room.
after that slacked and walked around.
until 1.30pm or so then we walk back Tamp1 'cause she know i wanna see him.
then wait for winnie to have her break, ate at subway.
then i was facing outside, and i can't help but sometimes look over at toastbox to see him.
and i saw him jumping and jumping just to get the bottles of mineral water, haha.
cute man ~ hehe.
then his break, and idk if he purposely or what, walked past subway to go inside cold storage.
then come out again, sort of stand infront of us then walk away again.
then walked around with Rebecca again and she told me stuffs about paranormal activity.
after that we went home and yeah.

then night time.
supposed to meet cousin for the slimming thing, end up i pangseh him.
not sorry for it, sorry for not being sorry ~
met up with xiaomei instead.
met her for dinner at Tamp1 toastbox.
when shifu saw me he was like 'one day how many times must i see you huh?' HAHAHA.
then i ask xiaomei to find a seat first while i go toilet.
when i came back, i ask her to sit at the seat behind instead lol.
then she went to order and when she came back she told me,
'eh you see' *shows me reciept* [smiling to self] he gave discount ~
then she say 'you know hor, he give you extra leh. *points to my ice-milo* he starting ask me ''you and her together ah?'' and i say ''ya'' then he take your milo away from the tray then fill it to the brim.'
then xiaomei was like not happy 'cause he filled my milo to the brim infront of her, and nvr fill her barley to the brim also. haha.
then we ate and i keep taking sneak peeks at him.
and we shared our stories and xiaomei say what 'love too deep to the extent of avoiding' sigh.
then well, idk if it's the others, he'll also fill it to the brim or not.
but i'm still happy by that.
walked around and end up i decided not to wait for him at bus interchange to go home.
'cause i'm afraid things are not the way i think it is now.
but somehow i THINK that he's also looking at me when i'm eating.
well, my thinking again. useless thinking.

ok, bye.
i want to be happy for tonight at least.
tmr heading to tamp1 find meimei to eat lunch with her since it's her last day at tamp1 outlet tmr.
then lunch with winnie also then meet xiaomei to go do treatment for her hair.
after that head back to tamp1 and wait for supper with the peeps at coffee club.

오후 10:49

2010년 11월 7일 일요일

Yesterday night,
memories of u and me being together filled my mind.
i lost myself yet again during the night,
and i cried.
i told brother about him avoiding me,
and me not knowing what to do,
and i cried.

I've forgotten when, but i dreamt of him recently.
Does it mean he's missing and thinking of me?
Must be me thinking too much.

Purposely had dinner at Tamp1 toastbox with min and sister just 'cause i wanted to see him.
even sneak peeks at him for 1sec or less still makes me feel contented.
watching playful kiss and i like what hani said.
'Only when i try, then i am able to see you. If not, there's no way i can see you without trying.'
just like how i always tried to reach work early, get my lunch break early and all, just to see him.
if i didn't even try that much, to knock off the same time as him or break around the same time as him,
i suppose i can't even get to see him and interact with him much.
and i bet, he won't really take notice of me if that's the case, right?

오후 11:15

2010년 11월 6일 토요일

work as usual today.
ain't in a good mood still.
guess winnie have told them about ytd.
then didn't really bothered to look over at him or what.
took out my specs and i didn't wear it until at night when i asked winnie if he's still at work or not.
luckily he work morning, if not i also don't know what to do.
sigh.

helped winnie change money.
$100 for $5 notes.
then change $50 with mr bean aunty and another $50 with BBQ Delights.
super paiseh 'cause i tell the BBQ Delights aunty say 'can change $50 for one $5?' LOL.
then they all laugh at me.

now fucking hungry.
tmr 12pm collecting my JYJ album ^^
then meeting rebecca at T1 to catch up with each other.

오전 12:38

2010년 11월 5일 금요일

headed to tamp1 and met with winnie.
he greeted me when he saw me walking.
ate at teadot and slacked there with winnie.
evening time headed down to icing room and slacked there till night time.
intend to eat curry chicken for dinner but no seats for us.
end up wait till night time their closing and got free curry chicken.

me and winnie was standing outside watching dom take our servings.
then he prepared water for us.
he didn't pass the glass of water to me, but to winnie for her to pass to me.
then when sitted, he was seating quite far from us at first.
then dom ask him join us and instead of sitting beside me, he sat beside opposite me.
during that moment when we're eating, we didn't interact with each other.
then they ate finish first.
then dom they all went off first and we say goodbye to them.
then i use my phone to type 'he left alr right?' and show winnie.
then she looked over and nodded her head.
i admit, she's right. that i was almost crying out. but 'cause their head is still with us, i can't do it.
then we headed to bus interchange and while i'm waiting for my bus, i really can't take it anymore.

after reaching home,
instead of crying at home,
i changed my pants and put on sports shoe and ran down to jog.
while running, those times with him right from the start ran through my mind.
ALL the things we did together, the things he did for me and the way he treats me.
the sense of love he gave me and the sense of security he gave me.
all ran through my mind and unknowingly, i cried.
i sat down at the bench and cried and think and cried again.
why did it turn out to be like this now?

he's avoiding me.
that's definite already.
winnie said perhaps he knows this is for the best of me.
if avoiding is really what he wanted,
then i won't let him be the only one avoiding me forever.
i'll play along, i'll avoid him as well so that he's not alone in this.
if avoiding me can make him feel better, then i'll avoid him as well.
if avoiding really make him feel better.... i don't mind....
i will play along, even if it means that i'll have to lose him forever.....
if only this will make him happy, i don't mind.

오전 12:46

2010년 11월 2일 화요일

Sigh.
Accompanied mum to tamp1 for her work.
Then accompanied ah mai for her break and she treat me eat fish cake.
then accompanied winnie for her break and she treat me eat toastbox curry chicken.
and omg. to think my guess is correct!
ah hua really like winnie man! and on friday during winnie's off, both of them really met up with each other!
hahaha. but well, she haven't accept him yet 'cause of some reasons ~

starting i was thinking if he's working morning, afternoon or full.
'cause it's like before 1.30pm i already saw him at work?
but at 5pm he still doesn't leave so yeah.
sms frankie to tell him i helping out at work today.
then change into the spare uniform that is left at the work place.
L size uniform damn comfortable and big. LOL.
doesn't feel like working, but more like playing.
and took home biscuits made by shifu.

after work, headed to bus interchange with winnie.
instead of taking the 11pm bus, i decided to wait for the 2nd last bus.
in the hope that i might be able to take same bus as him since it's raining.
plus when we went off, toastbox is still busy doing don't know what 'cause their head is present -.-
sigh.
as expected, pin hopes up too high = disappointment.
i think if not for their head appearing during closing,
i think i can actually get to take same bus home with him.
oh! and during the first time he went to toilet,
he walked past me and blow my hair. LOL.
then i look at him and he turned behind and smile cheekily ~ cute.

on the bus and after alighting from the bus,
my whole mind is filled up with how we started our first conversation,
how me and jolyn 'tailed' him to find out which bus he's taking,
how jolyn urged me to ask him where he live,
how he first sat beside and talked to me,
how jolyn said that he's looking at me while walking past us,
how he first showed interest in me,
how he expressed his love for me,
how we spent times together happily.

but...
there's going to be no more of such happy memories, right?
i really wonder...
does he still love me? or no?
the way he treats and reacts to me, sometimes really make me think hard.

what if tmr after seeing doctor, and it's said that i've got some illness or what,
will he care? will he want to treasure more times with me? or will he just let it be? will he just pretend everything is normal?
if i told him that i still love him,
will he bother? will he be happy to accept this relationship of ours again? or will he try to ignore it? will he just say that it's impossible between us?
if one day it's not me who walked over to him to tell him what's on my mind,
but someone who knows both me and him,
telling him that i'm lying on the hospital bed,
will he visit me? will he spend more time with me? or will he just make one simple phone call, ask how are you and that's it? will he just say 'ok' to the person and just treat as though nothing happened?

all these are killing me right now, deep inside.

오전 1:06

2010년 11월 1일 월요일

Headed to work.
When i'm nearly reaching tamp1,
i saw Spoon standing at the stairs.
i knew he saw me, but then after some people blocked my view from him,
he disappeared.
i thought to myself, he did saw me but why didn't he sort of like wait for me or something?
so yeah.
then i report for work.
quite enjoyable.
stand at cashier and idkw but i keep wanting to look over to tb.
Learnt quite a number of tagalog phrases from Racy. hehe.
then around 9.30pm i help them key in the data for stock check into laptop.
and frankie very funny.
he say what 'go DIY yourself a cake and write 'my happiest moment. always nagging at me, f. him' LOL. why would someone scold himself right? hahaha.
then after i key finish he say 'see you next month (Nov) on the 30th to help out in stock check again.' LOL!
took photos with winnie and mei. 'cause considered last day for me.
then washed muffin trays and yeah.
that marks end of the day. sigh.

오전 12:38