Work as usual.
Been coughing whole night plus down with running nose = can't get good sleep.
Lunch break, sat at stairs there and he was actually standing beside me,
but i pretend i didn't see and he walked to my back and blow my hair LOL.
then he went back in ):
kept coughing and feeling quite terrible.

closing and as usual Dominic say 'li yi' when i placing the muffin trays.
then i look at him and he say 'i want bread.' LOL.
then Racy teach me how to say in tagalog 'no bread.' hahaha.
then when Dom walk ove to IR, Racy ask me to say and after i say it out,
Dom's reaction damn funny! hahaha.
after that kept asking Racy for more words and before we went off,
starting it's just Racy who waved goodbye to them, then Dom go shout 'bye li yi' and so,
she pulled me over to toastbox and i say 'How are you' in tagalog!
the girl understand what i saying and she replied me haha.
but then Dom like don't understand me man. he was like 'what?' LOL.

and yeah, no fate to see him walk home or take bus with him.
'cause when we're leaving, they (toastbox people) just starting to eat their curry i think. lol.

오전 1:21

Work today.
And as expected, he work morning.
Break and i sat at staircase there.
Perhaps he's really avoiding me or it's just a coincidence that he didn't went back to work by the stairs?
Was at the cashier and i can't help but look over to toastbox.
And i think there's one time i just nice turn to look over and he was also looking over as well.
So I quickly act as though i just turn to look at other places instead.
Then he knock off work, i was looking at shifu creaming the DIY cake.
then he suddenly say to me 'you act as though you're looking at us make cake, but instead you're actually peeking over at toastbox right?' LOL.
after that work was quite enjoyable and fun. but i kept coughing ):
then closing, after i wash finish one muffin tray, i went to the baker area to place the tray and then dominic, the phillipino guy from toastbox suddenly say Spoon's name.
i looked up at him (blur image 'cause i not wearing specs) and then the phillipino girl and the aunty look at me also.
then i thought i hear wrong so i continue to wash the trays.
then when he walked past icing room to go toilet change, he look at me and say spoon's name again.

is this a sign to me or what?
that Spoon actually still like me or something?

오전 12:17

I'm happy when he still greeted me and smile to me when he see me.
I'm happy until when I'm on the bus home.

I saw him leave by the other side, so i left by the side nearer to IR.
I kept wishing that he'll actually be behind me while walking, but no.
I decided to just let fate decide if I could board same bus as him or see him walk home.
And yeah, while on the bus, I saw him.
Running.
Idkw, but seeing him run, seeing him like that, i somehow think he's troubled.
Instead of taking bus like he usually does, he chose to walk/run back.
Why?
Is it 'cause of me?

Sarah said he did this, might be because he still loves me, but know that it'll be hard for both of us to part when he returns to China.
So, he's trying to avoid?
If this is really true, if he really confess right in my face that that's the reason why he did that,
i swear i'll really have the courage to tell him this:

I don't care who you are or where you're from. I don't care if it's going
to be hard for us to part by the time you need to return to China. What matters,
is that we spend the days we have together happily, right? To have each other as
company while we still can, rather than regretting it on the day when you got to
return to China. Let's just face it, we still love each other right?

Well, perhaps for the last part, no.
I'm feeling so lousy right now.
I bet, no one truly knows how i feel.
1st) to be in love with a foreign guy, who might be returning to his own country sooner or later.
2nd) to actually still be in love with him after knowing that you both can't be together.
3rd) to be thinking that he might still be troubled and still love you, but can't be true to our own feelings.

오전 12:43

Yesterday was KPN!
7 groups were here and they are -
1) F.T Island
2) D.NA
3) ZE:A
4) Infinite
5) SHINee
6) Girls' Generation
7) Big Bang
the list above is actually according to their performances. So FTI performed first and Big Bang last. Finale = everybody on stage ~

No, i weren't there. I didn't buy tickets.
But i was sitting outside with jenies and listening to them sing their songs.
and sadly when we reached, it's already Infinite's turn which means i missed ZE:A! ):
then after that we head inside van and yeah.
i wonder why they must chase to airport when we alr know they'll be going via VIP terminal -.-
waste of time only lah wtf.
then headed to Orchard, Sarang (korean restaurant) to wait for either groups to come, all except for SNSD, SHINee and Big Bang 'cause by then we already knew all 3 BIG groups went to fly back already.
was walking around other floors looking for toilet with jenies and siok hian when we heard screams.
so went up and Infinite and D.NA was inside.
Then Infinite's two members came out to go toilet, and when they came back, i only mananged to video a super short portion of it ):
After that two of D.NA's members also go toilet and i video-ed it down!
One of them is Karam (?) i think and when those fans shouted his name, he turned behind and bowed a lil' haha.
Then when come out, idk which member was waving excitedly (?) sort of in a very cute way and said hello also!
He like damn happy like that haha. Oh! and they're made up of pretty boys ~ from what i see. haha.
Then yeah, waited till don't know what time and then they started leaving already.
So while we're walking along the roadside (sort of?) we saw one of their van pass by, and we just stoned there O.O LOL.
then we continue walking and know what, another van passed by again! and we stoned looking at the van pass by us!
fyi, the 'another van' and 'one of their van' is actually referring to D.NA's and Infinite's! LOL.

Headed to Botak Jones eat after that and i ate steak!
then went to cineleisure and slacked.
Until 4.30am or so we walked a distance then cabbed to Suntec Convention Centre.
From there we walked to Conrad (short distance) and there're fans already there!
then we sat down and around 5am or so (?) we started standing near the hotel entrance.
then waited waited around 6am or so Infinite came out!
Recorded down and yay ^^
after they left, we wait for awhile and ZE:A came out!
OMFG! Hyungshik and Junyoung! my baby ~ LOL!
they really super friendly man! got one member wanted to u-turn take a gift from fan, but then the manager or what don't allow -.- zz.. wth man.
and i recorded it down yeah ^^
then after awhile FTI came out ~
Minhwan quite friendly leh hahaha. Hongki = dao -.- LOL. hood over his head and look down walk.

after that the guards and hotel staffs kept the barricades.
so we knew D.NA is the one taking different flight.
then we wait and then around 7am we stood at the hotel entrance again and the staffs set up the barricades.
then when D.NA came out, i think their van not ready or what, they stood in the middle of the entrance for a while then headed to the van LOL.
then they all really super pretty man ~ hahaha.

so finally ~
we headed back home!
me and jenies took circle line then from there paya lebar mrt down to pasir ris.
fell asleep on the train, super friggin' tired!
jenies ate yakun at ws and i accompanied her. then she give me drink her coffee 'cause she don't drink coffee and one toast.
then headed home and i got to go hospital with mum just 'cause she want to eat the waffles there -.-
then headed to cousin's house, left shortly after.
their cat damn fat now -.- LOL. make me scared of it O.O
home sweet home but i still can't sleep 'cause if i sleep = i midnight will wake up again then tmr how go work?! zzz...

but hell yeah! i enjoyed myself!
I FINALLY SAW ZE:A! ^^

오후 4:18

16 October 2010

Had breakfast with chinmei, headed to my house did some stuffs then head to airport.
Lucky we did not wait for them to come out.
'cause they only came out at like 2pm+ when their flight actually landed at like 1pm or so.
Headed to Tamp1 to eat BBQ Chicken then walk around and ate at the hongkong dessert.
Then my mood was like super down 'cause no cameras allowed like wtf.
But luckily Jenies persuaded me to go (:

Reach Expo at like 6pm+ or so.
Waited for Zhuang at control station then we walked together.
There were long queues and i was looking for the admin from Gorgeous Empire to get my lightstick + horns.
Headed to coffee bean, collected my stuffs, sat down at the table there and then Jenies and Elaine came to look for me.
Accompanied them go Macau Express eat their dinner.
Then like 8pm or so then we left and the queue was like just started to move.
Found my queue and it's quite short.
Went in, found my seat and got seated beside a girl.
Then we started talking and her bias is Jaejoong ^^
Showcase started and they performed 3 songs first!
Empty, Be The One and Be My Girl (:
When they first sang, I was like WOW! am i dreaming?!
Them singing LIVE! and it's really GREAT!
Then they did their intro and it goes like this:
Junsu: 안녕하세요. 준수 입니다.
Jaejoong: Hi! How are you? I'm JJ. *laughs at himself* (super precious moment man! especially when he laughs at himself after saying 'I'm JJ' LOL)
Yoochun: Hello I'm Micky.
and Ken from 100.3 go say I'm Minnie. then Yoochun was going like 'what?!' -.-
and we did the usual things which Ken will usually ask fans to do and there's 3 parts to it. The last part is seriously -.-
1: 안녕하세요 ~ (Yoochun was going 'Oh. 안녕하세요.')
2: 사랑해요 Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu! (and Yoochun went 'Saranghaeyo...Jaejoong? Yoochun... Junsu?)
3: *fans 'screaming' Ayyyy Girl and Yoochun was like 'what are they singing?' and Ken asked him to sing along.
Then they sang and Ken was like 'They prefer screaming' and Yoochun was like 'I know they are not singing.' 'cause we were actually LISTENING to them sing!
and Junsu was asked by Ken how's our singing. So he look awhile then stand up, did the thumbs up sign and say 'VERY GOOD!' LOL! My Precious Su!

Then they sang찾았다, Ayyy Girl and omg they're SMEXY! hahaha.
And they sang Empty remix and got us to stand up and jump and get high with them!
I stood up, jump jump jump when they say 'jump! jump! jump!' then after that i started running to the front with some other fans as well.
Omg that moment is daebak!
I can see them like so clear man! Especially Su!

Then when they are exiting via the stage lift, Yoochun went
'Always Keep The Faith and I love you guys!'
*melts & cry at the same time*
Joined in with other cassies shouting 'Encore!' and 'JYJ!' then left to find Jenies and Allison.

Headed to Clarke Quay with them for a drink and on the way,
we are like 'scarlie later saw Yoochun they all clubbing.' and we laughed.
Then we also said things like 'i don't mind having sex with the 3 of them together' HAHAHA.
Sat down at Yello Jello and ordered Graveyard -.-
Regretted sia. Super bitter not nice one.
Slacked at mac i think then cabbed home at like 4am+ and we saw some angmohs who are drunk o.o

Intended go send them off at airport, and lucky my phone is on silent mode since yesterday and i woke up late.
'cause the boys entered via VIP! hahaha. thank goodness!

and super shit one lor the organizer this time round -.-
I know it's not fully their fault. but yeah.
Still, I'm thankful for them making the effort and fulfilling Cassie's dream to see JYJ in SG!
Y'know, JYJ's showcase actually doesn't include SG in it, so yeah..
Thanks to QUEST that we get to see the boys.
But also no thanks to them that lots of things ain't going smoothly? Idk. Lol.

오후 11:02

Went to meet chinmei at tampines.
Then went to challengers 'cause she wanted to buy harddisk.
then i went to find kianwei at Sony shop.
actually wanted to dine with chinmei, but end up we wait for kianwei end work then eat supper.
while waiting, without me knowing, i was actually talking about spoon until chinmei stopped me and tell me.
then met up with kianwei and we went Kim Gary.
waited for yuanfong to come before we start ordering.
then i told them about my trip to JB and they were like keep anyhow think!
and they said that he might like me O.O like..wth?
confused confused. hm...

that's it.
then ltr i don't need work 'cause frankie sms me to tell me. hahaha.
and JYJ's arriving on Sat at 1.05pm ^^
my baby boys ~

오전 1:24

Met Wei Hoong at Tampines and we took bus 969 to khatib then change mrt to Kranji. lol.
While at Singapore custom (i think) my stupid slipper broke -.-
end up i walk with one bare leg LOL! all the way until i reach his house!

When we reached his house, he tried to glue my slipper together then go bathe.
then after that we went out to dinner at Moonlight Cake House!
and the first time when we reached, my slipper broke halfway again -.-
end up we went in the car again and he drive back then let me wear his slippers.
then we headed back again and ate for awhile then he drove me to Danga Beach!
Over at Danga Beach, he bought the ticket for the train ride and it goes one big round around the beach.
After the train ride ended, we walked over to the amusement park and sat on the ferris wheel.
while walking towards the amusement park, he was taking a cigarette and smoking (Marlboro, i think) and i was looking.
so he ask 'you want ah?' and i actually said 'yes, i want to try.' O.O
then he really offer me one and he step-by-step teach me how LOL.
but it just won't light up, so he passed me the one which he's using and ask me to breathe in then breathe out through mouth.
i did a small huff and then when i tried the second time, i choked on my nose! LOL!
and really like he said, got the cooling feel on the lips sia. hahaha.
then we headed to play those throw ball games and we used 5 stickers to exchange for a soft toy giraffe! (supposed to be 6!)
after that we headed home and he showed me the pictures on his laptop.
and wow, he actually look like some korean guy with his permed hair y'know! hahaha.
and and, he actually like TVXQ as well!
when he showed me their pictures on his laptop is was like O.O and he laughed at me! LOL.
JAEJOONG fan aye! hahaha.
then watch those funny videos and also a documentary half-way then headed to bed which is at around 1am or 2am.
when he off the light already, i was playing with the soft-toy's fur.
then he took it away and ask me to sleep so i say 'ok, i hug this to sleep' and took it back lol.
then i say 'this giraffe so small to hug.' then he passed me his bolster then i say 'no need. i hug this can already. but if i got bring my rabbit soft-toy worth $42 would be better' and we laughed, hahaha.
after some time we fell asleep but idkw i kept waking up in the middle then back to sleep again.
and there's moments whereby he's like sleeping quite near me LOL.
then when his alarm ring, he didn't hear it so i poked him on the arm then he was in a very blur state then off his alarm and stretch his hand to stroke me on my head LOL.
then i just close my eyes when he stroking my head then i thought he went back to sleep but i can somehow sense that he was like looking at me?
then continue sleep and his alarm ring for quite some time and we both were sleeping like O.O hahaha.
until don't know when then he woke up so i rubbed my eyes then he was like 'wah so late already.' so i look at his phone and wow 11.30am!
then he stroke my head again! then we washed up and went out!

went to Jusco and sing K!
quite a number of korean songs there and yeah ~ haha.
then ate Baskin Robbins ^^
after eating we went to another mall called Tesco!
and we went inside a shop or w/e it is which is like Giant like that.
then shopped and he bought a packet of 6 cup noodles!
then went to the 'don't know what' shop which sells waffle and he bought coco deluxe!
while waiting he was looking down at my feet and realise i hurt myself, so he actually bought me to buy slippers!
after buying then we went back and he went to fix his motorbike while i stayed inside the car.
so, i took out my camera and started to take some pictures inside the car LOL.
after he's back, he took me for a ride around with his motorbike! ^^
felt abit paiseh holding his waist/hugging him from behind (?) while riding! but slowly gotten used to it.
and i think i was like smiling through out the whole ride 'cause it's really damn shiok i tell you!
my virgin ride on a motorbike! SIBEI COOL! somemore he ride so fast HAHAHA.
then had dinner at his previous workplace then headed back to his place.
packed our stuffs then off we go to head back to Singapore!

when we're on the taxi to the custom, he was seated quite near me and our shoulders actually touched o.o
and when we passed all the custom and waiting for the bus to bring us to Queen's Street (near bugis) he say his watch (newly bought) spoiled!
and i was actually taken in by him -.- he say one of the needle dropped out and i actually believed him!
when it's actually 8.45 or 9.45pm you know how the two needles will be pointing together right? that's it!
then while on the bus i tried hard not to fall asleep but i still did in the end.
and if i not wrong my head was tilted towards the right where he's sitting. and i think (somehow sensed) that he knew i was asleep and my head was like in-the-air (LOL) so he lowered his shoulder and my head automatically rested on his arm after it landed!
damnit sia. i think it's like through out the ride from custom to bugis my head was leaning on his shoulder!
'cause my neck is very pain afterwards LOL.

anyway yeah. reached home and tadah!
i'm so sleepy LOL.
i really love ride on motorbike!

Thankyou Weihoong, for paying for everything. From food to leisure to transport. For being a great 'tour guide' for me in JB ^^ hehe. Remember ah, next time bring me go Malacca and Genting play! LOL!

오후 11:15

11 Oct '10 Monday

Met up with Eileen, Rachel, Jenies, Chinmei and Desiree to go picnic at Marina Barrage!
Waited for quite a long time for the shuttle bus to come.
Bought ice-cream to eat before heading up and wow.
We saw channel 8 people filming for the cooking show.

Settled down somewhere and we started eating and taking pictures.
and the sun is indeed very glaring.
basically we just sat down, crapped and took photos and eat. hahaha.
then we saw different kites which are so cute.
One is a penguin with two fishes behind it, another is a panda! and another is sotong one! hahaha.
then they flied kite and idk what i doing. lol. playing with Jenies iPhone and Desiree's iTouch LOL!
then around evening when the sun is like setting, we asked a girl help us take polariod pictures, 6 times!
and she really have skill sia! very nice leh. hahaha.
then we went down and played with water! ^^
took pictures there as well. then 7pm plus alr, so we went to take bus.
waited for quite long and decided to walk instead.
walked past a bus stop and then saw the bus coming, so we u-turn and run back again! hahaha.
headed to mac at WS to drink and i'm very tired!

Really enjoyed the picnic with my girls.
It made me forget about those unhappy things and all.
But, why must i see the kite with the lights?
It makes me think of the day whereby me and him sat together and saw the kite as well.
and yeah, the kite we saw is more beautiful than the one at Marina Barrage.

Going JB sooooon!
i think i'll have 3 different shades of skintone if i were to go to the beach at JB.
from fair to tan to dark! HAHAHA.

오후 1:53

Firstly,
to Meimei (Fiona): My condolences goes to you. I'm sure you mum in heaven don't wish to see you grieving over her. Be strong.

Nothing much happened these few days.
I forgot when I think after meeting those Icing Room peeps,
me Jolyn and Jovey went to drink.
Then i think we took photos as well, lol.

Ah! Previously me Chinmei and Jenies went to kbox as well.
Did i blog about it alr? I think i did, okay w/e.

Then ytd during work, whenever Emperor walk past me,
he will pull my ponytail/hair sia. hahaha.
then when spoon walked out of the toilet, i was standing outside.
then he also go pull my ponytail/hair LOL.
like very fun huh? o.o hahaha.

Kept complaining to Claire unni that i'm hungry LOL.
and that winnie make me super pissed off, esp when i return from my break. Nabei...
I went to throw my rubbish then she say 'your break finish le ah?' so i say 'ya' then wanted to walk back to wear my apron then she go say 'oi. stand at the cashier' and i was like wtf in my mind and i say 'i need wear my apron first right' knnccb!
and when i stand at the cashier, she was like never help out at all lah jibye!
there's like some people queuing behind with trays on their hands then she just continue talking to the other people or just wrap her cream JIBYE!
i really super buaysong lah i tell you ccb.
then i think spoon got walk past few times and look at me.
got once is i bushuang, so i walked to the back to drink water then just nice him and emperor walk past.
then he smiled at me and i smiled back and the new cashier, Racy, say 'you know him?' then give the 'ehhhh' look LOL.
then when he was like standing at toastbox kitchen there talking with his roomate, he was looking over at me few times as well.
then when he back to work, and i still standing at cashier near DIY area, he also got look over few times O.O
then when jiamin went off and i got to stand behind with mei,
i looked over to toastbox and he damn cute lah.
he bent down to take something, then when he got up he go puff up his cheek O.O LOLOL!

okay, today getting my 2nd Break Time album!
daebak! hahaha.
Monday picnic with the wonderful girls i've known in sec school.
then Tuesday evening going JB!

오후 2:13

I overslept and my head's hurting so i ended up heading to work late.
then winnie called and ask me call frankie,
saying that he in bad mood -.- bobian uh.
so called him up to tell him i overslept (first time late for work 'cause overslept okay!) then he was like okay then go at 4pm.
i reached at 3.30pm and when i walking towards escalator go down,
he was at chopstix to buy food.
i was hoping for him not to turn, but end up he turned and he saw me def.
but i just kept looking down at the floor.
then worked and me and Jovey was standing at the back.
we were pasting stickers on the paper bags then he was walking to toilet.
when he walk past me, he blow me and then smile at me.
then i smiled back and in my mind, i'm thinking the same thing again...
taught Jovey some korean and hahaha she so funny LOL.
and she bus-ed home with me today! 'cause she also can take bus 81 back! haha.

i want to join the contest leh.
but i sucks in singing and dancing. shit sia.
although they say at least go to gain experience but... haiyo.

later meeting Jenies go dance studio then to kbox with her and Rachel.
then hopefully most probably we getting alcohol while at kbox and hopefully most probably we are able to head down to tamp to meet weihoong after his work to drink together. LOL.
and i calculated after my pay comes in, minus those debts or w/e shit there is, i'm left with like 259$ only?! to last me till the 6th of next month -.-

오전 3:27

I had fun with Rachel and Jenies. Daebak awesomely awesome drinking partners! hoho.
Hm, from what i remember, i think we drank like 7 or 8 bottles?
2 Hooch each for me and Jenies, 1 blackcurrant vodka for Rachel then we headed to 7-11 to buy 2 more, i think?
i called Rachel 'mama' LOL.
weihoong called and he say i mabok alr O.O
then i think i spilled some over 'cause my leg like abit sticky one.
they say my face very red like O.O
and Jenies sent me home!
then when i reach home i remember i lied on my brother's bed,
then suddenly i cried again!
then cry for awhile, i went back my room and slept/napped!
then now i'm awake! and when i burp, there's still the alcohol smell O.O
oh! and it's my first time burping like really burp infront of my friends man! hoho.

Hooch and raspberry (or is it blackcurrant) 8.4 vodka is nice!
Hooch contains 5% alcohol in each bottle and me and jenies each drank 2 bottles.
the vodka which we bought at a later time contains 8.4% each.
LOLOL.
U-Kiss album Break Time = daebak. seriously

오전 2:41

Thought of asking him if he still treats me as his girlf. or not.
End up, I didn't after I knew what his reaction towards Claire (asking if we're a couple or not) was.

I was happy at the start of work.
But when he was on his way to the toilet, Jovey was standing outside at the fridge and wanted to go buy mr bean for me to eat.
then he walked past and he use his finger to tap Jovey on her shoulder.
i just laughed 'cause it seems like he's having fun and Jovey say he's weird.
then when he came out, he didn't make any eye contact or whatsoever with me.
and my heart did sank a lil' but not as much as when Claire told me that thing.
She ask me 'the guy in your dp is the same guy as the toastbox one ytd right?'
i replied 'ya' then she say 'then why u both lie to me say you not together?' and i was like 'huh?' and she said 'cause ytd when she asking if he's my boyf. or not, he heard it and just nice Claire was looking at him as well then he just nice was turning back and he use his hand to make the 'no' sign...

Obviously, w/o me having to ask that question which is on my mind, there's alr an answer right?
after that, i've been feeling down through out.
After work, i knew him and his room mate is still at toastbox (which idk why either) but i just heck care and walked out with Claire Jovey and Winnie.
then i was waiting for bus, then like 5min past and i looked around.
then when i turn to the right, i saw both of them and i was like 'omg.' and quickly turn back.
then i thought they would stand at the other side or what together, but who knows his room mate stood beside me, and he stood at my other side.
it's like, i'm sort of sandwiched between them, just that there's big gaps in between.
then his room mate ask me now what time alr, and spoon said his friend dropped his phone.
on the bus, it's really damn awkward.
i swear idkw but i just feel like getting out of the bus...
i was playing with my phone thru out and when they alighted, i was sort of relieved.

met up with Jenies.
then bought whisky and she bought breezer.
then hungry so we buy cup noodles.
then eat and drank and talked..
and i was laughing, then cried.
Jenies was there for me, lending me her shoulder. Thanks xiaomei :')
i remember, i couldn't stand properly i think. wobbly.
then brother came to fetch me.
while walking home with him, i cried again while talking about him.

i should...really have a talk with him?
to clear misunderstandings and doubts...
i don't wish to be like last time...

오전 2:40

Went to work today and yeah.
At night i teach Claire regarding the cakes and teach half-way,
he came out from the toilet and at that time i'm still teaching.
then he walk past me and tap me on my shoulder and i turned to look at him.
then he smiled and i smiled back (:
then Claire was like teasing me say 'eh that's your boyf. uh?' and i just laugh it off LOL.
then later it's Emperor's turn to go toilet and he tap me on my shoulder and say 'you sick uh?' and i say 'now feeling better alr.' LOL.
then continue teaching Claire regarding the cakes and yeah.
closing irdk want wait for him or not, end up i walk past toastbox and just headed back alone.
after i got out from tamp1, i loitered around the staircase area.
thinking whether to wait and pass the letter to him or not.
i waited and him and his roommate walked out.
then i was like 'omg' then i quickly turn and walk away.
then he saw me (obviously) and tap me on my shoulder and ask why am i still here. lol.
then in my hand i was holding the letter but end up when he walk off to join his friend, i still didn't have the courage to hand him the letter ):
in my mind i'm thinking, who am i to him now?
does he still treat me as his girlf. or does he treat me like a normal friend now?
i'm seriously...dying to know...
and ytd he called, not really 'cause he cared but 'cause winnie told him that i'm waiting for his call -.- wtf.
like this how i know if he truly care for me or not? *sigh*
w/e w/e w/e!

i'm hungry.
didn't eat for the whole day!

오전 12:10

Shan't talk about yesterday.
Or rather, blog it out in my private blog (:

Today was supposed to work, end up didn't.
Details shall not be said here 'cause not much people know about it.
At night met up with two friends for a short chat + they came to show concern for me.
Was worrying through out 'cause i really wanna know if he cared.
Then friend A knew i waiting for an sms so she sent an sms to me.
Then i was like *sigh* and wanted to read the sms then got a call came in. From a number idk.
So i picked up and it's his voice (:
Our conversation goes like this:

Me: Hello
Him: Hello. Zhanying ah?
Me: uh. *smiling to self already*
Him: You sick ah?
Me: uh
Him: Feeling better? Where are you now?
Me: Ya, much better *in mind, 'cause you called (:* I'm now with my friends
outside.
Me: You using your friend's phone?
Him: Ya
Me:
Tomorrow..you working what shift?
Him: Night shift. You tomorrow working?
Me: Yup.
Him: okay. Take care.
*hangs up*

keep smiling to self and both my friend say 'wah, zhanying happy liao huh. someone call already. hahaha.'
then another phone call came in -.-
picked up and machiam like spoil my mood already...
machiam like she my mum or what like that, although i know it's 'cause she care lah.
but...care abit too much huh? hang out with friends for awhile also cannot? chat with friends awhile also cannot? still want ask where am i?
hello! even my mum or real sister also never ask so much you know!
they know i hate it when people ask so many questions when i'm outside, esp when i'm with my friends. tsk.
and know what... this makes me think that you actually specifically REQUESTED him to call me to ask how am i and WHERE AM I!
and it makes me think that he called not because he's really concerned, but 'cause you requested for him to call, just so you can check on my location, right?
and even worse, IT BRINGS DOWN MY WHOLE MOOD! seriously...
like what i've posted on facebook as my status, i'll post it here (added more in, 'cause facebook sucks, got word limit):

You and me aren't blood-related, so why must you care so much? Even my own
parents and siblings won't ask me so much like 'where am you? who are you with?'
'cause they know i hate it. I hate people asking me these type of questions,
especially when it's not from my family members. And, why must you REALLY know my decision whether I'll be continuing my relationship with him or not? I know, you'll say 'cause you care but HELLO! why does it seem like you're pressing me
for an answer? I know dragging the issue between me and him for long won't be
good, but I know what I'm doing. I know you don't want me to get hurt by him or
w/e but really, I know what I'm doing. And if I don't wish to tell you my
decision, what can you do? And if my decision isn't what you wanted, what do YOU
want to do? Hypnotize me and ask me to change my mind? Spurt bad things about
him/China people/what guys would normally do to 'cause harm to a girl/saying
things about him leaving SG? Seriously, lawfully and UN-lawfully speaking, you got no rights and no control over me and my decision and w/e I'm doing!
Whether I'm outside and with who doesn't matter much to you, right? 'cause
1) we're not blood-related in anyway 2) I got my own privacy, so I need not report to you where I am and who I'm with 3) I've already got a mum a dad an elder sister and a younger brother who acts like my elder brother who are blood-related to m...e, so I don't need someone who is not blood-related to me to act beyond that border. TYVM!
In addition, I know when he leaves SG, i'll still get hurt and be upset.
But hell yeah, I know what I'm doing, seriously... My decision is to continue on
with him, that's it! I've decided to, instead of spending my days sadly with him
OR w/o him, i might as well just spend it with him happily right?! At least,
when he leaves, I won't have regrets of not spending time happily with him but
instead, I'll be happy that at least before he leaves, I managed to spend happy
times with him! At least, I won't come to regret, why didn't I spend those times
we have together happily, understand?

Okay, enough of my rant...
I read until I ownself also not sure where I'm typing to, LOL.
as in, i read and type and link until i blur already hahahaa.

오전 2:21