U-Kiss (♥) Kiss-Me

2010년 12월 31일 금요일

29.12.10

went out with winnie and ahkai shifu to catch the movie 'Rapunzel'.

great movie!

before that we went to have lunch at wan zhai.

headed to taka to look for the copenhagen tea lounge or something like that for desserts.

but it doesn't give us the feel of eating desserts.

so actually shifu say to cab to tanjong pagar one, but the taxi stand queue damn long.

and winnie called the cake shop and they said they close at 7pm (time of calling is like 4pm) and they left with 3 cakes.

end up we went to coffee club lol.

shifu paid for our meals again! thankyou!

then actually parted ways with shifu already 'cause he say he going back home.

so me and winnie continue walk, then decided to drop by 313 find frankie.

who knows when we reach, li fang say he just went off to tampines1 LOL.

then we stand there chat a bit and wow! shifu also went there HAHA!

he said ah biao is nearby, so he want to meet him, together with andy and hua.

so we waited together and ate at 'the hand burger'.

shifu paid for us again lol. thanks ~

wanted to head to mrt station then when we walk past toastbox,

i stop and say to winnie 'is that emperor? it looks like him leh.' and she was like 'is it him? don't look like leh.'

so i called out emperor's name and he turn and laugh then say 'eh, xiaomei why are you here' hahaha.

then walked around orchard, while the guys are looking for their D&D clothes.

walked inside a christmas tree which is near ION (think it's the tree which Xander took a pic infront of with his cousins) and wow!

the deco inside is superb! pretty! gorgeous! hehe.

after that headed home and ah biao live at eunos so we took same line while winnie went to esplanade by herself.

then it's somewhat awkward 'cause me and ah biao ain't that close with each other lol.

30.12.10

slept late ytd and woke up early today.

headed to bugis with panda and agnes and they got their fortune told.

didn't have mine told 'cause a lot people crowding around us -.-

then walked around bugis street and i bought a ribbon hairband ^^

headed to 313 and walked around also.

after that headed to tamp1 around 4pm or so?

bought KOI and slacked at the 4th floor with panda while agnes got a wedding dinner to attend to.

headed to basement and then sat at the pillar near toast box.

crapped slacked and laughed hahaha.

then called kianwei and yuanfong to accompany us for dinner and they really came lol.

then around 8pm we waited for a seat and ordered our food.

then after eating & during eating, we keep laughing and talking haha.

such a great feeling to be able to talk freely with your friends while seated down, having dinner ^^

after that we talk somemore and laugh somemore.

might be going timbre with yuanfong, kianwei, elaine, desmond and huiping i think? haha.

but i need money! LOL.

overall,

i really enjoyed myself for the past two days while i'm outside ^^

loads of fun! though i'm tired lol.

오전 1:08

2010년 12월 29일 수요일

Today was alright, i think partly 'cause i didn't need to see him.

had fun, joked around at work.

and i think i'm liking icing room more and more.

'cause of the friendly working environment and the people there.

though i got to admit i'm more prone to injuries working there lol.

firstly, the manager himself is a great person who will joke with us unless there's really a serious matter.

secondly, the staffs there like hua, hao, agnes, winnie, racy and mei always jokes around and lift my mood up.

thirdly, it's somewhat convenient for me to travel to and from work lol.

anyway, at work i got fooled by hua -.-

i scold him 'you bai chi ah.' then he say 'bai chi zai ma shui? (idiot scolding who?' and i reply 'you lor.' and he went 'oh ~ yuan lai bai chi zai ma wo. (oh ~ so idoit is scolding me)' and i was like WTF! ):

then we also play with the water spray. lol. and he was like 'oh, the roof is leaking' wth ~

and he don't want go movie & tea-dot with me, winnie and ah kai shifu tmr ):

the more the merrier and he still don't want. haiyo..

and while sms-ing him, he say 'can i ask u a question?' and i say 'what?' and he ask 'you how old only huh? why so naggy?' LOL!

anyway, idk if i want to go sleep now or not.

my eyes are closing ~

but i don't feel like sleeping yet.

오전 1:25

2010년 12월 28일 화요일

The day time at work was a good one.

Hao played with blackforest cake and he wanted me to eat one,

but end up drop on floor.

so i went to get tissue paper and i saw him standing at basin there,

so i wanted to pass the paper to him.

who knows, his hand is smeared with blackforest cake and he smeared the cake on my hand while taking the paper.

so i walk to the basin wanting to make his face but well, i'm too short.

then later jia yi, me, agnes and winnie was standing at basin there,

he came with the cake wanting to throw it away and he talk talk keep wanting to smash the cake on our faces,

end up i didn't notice enough and there goes my face being smashed with the cake.

lucky it's only a lil' bit and it's fun playing like that with them.

night time ain't that great...

i was washing the muffin trays, just nice i got to turn back (facing toilet pathway) to take the trays and i saw him walking.

and i think he knew i was looking from the reflection while he's walking so he turned back and i acted as though i'm just taking the tray to wash.

at first i didn't bother much, but what changed my mood after that was that he was using a phone...

i dare say, i've worked at icing room and see people walk past and i know clearly who's using their phone and who's not.

my whole heart just sank.... the letter which i've written.... in my mind i already has an answer, that is not to give him and just give up on everything...

after changing and all, i took out the letter and tore it up while telling winnie that i'm never ever going to give the card to him...

and she asked me to walk over and she said 'has your heart really settled down?' and i told her, by tonight i will.

she said she wanted to pat me, but didn't 'cause her hand is dirty and i just said 'but i want you to pat me, right now' and she used her head instead.

i'm...about to break down at that point of time but i didn't. i didn't want to trouble her, 'cause i realized she's always the one who is willing to lend me a shoulder to cry on and the one who is there to care.

she knew what i'm going to do, so she asked if i wanted to stay and wait for her but i said no. i really feel bad for troubling her always with my problem.

while waiting for bus, i almost cried...

i hold it in. i alighted at my usual stop and went to 7-11 and wanted to buy lots of bottles of Hooch to drink but they didn't sell..

so went home empty handed and feeling super down.

dad was home mum was home basically everyone's home...

cried inside the toilet 'cause i actually wanted to go to bed but that fucking sis of mine just ruined it...

wanted to head out instead but idk to where... so toilet is my only solution..

the moment i close the toilet door i cried...

and i fucking hate my mind 'cause it just kept replaying that scene which i saw...

it's really....painful to know the truth... especially when you see it with your own eyes...

after crying, after settling down my mind, i deleted the pictures we took from my phone, deleted his tenant's house number.

and i headed to use laptop and deleted the folder which contains him from facebook and everywhere possible...

what's left is to delete him from my heart and mind and i know i can do it...

i should've known that it wasn't real right from the start,

that it wasn't real when he gave up on the relationship so easily after that day.

i should not have been so stupid as to still hoping and holding on when i know that he's already given up, that easily.

i shouldn't have been so stupid right from the start...

i should have heeded their advices...

but it's never too late, right?

오전 12:09

2010년 12월 26일 일요일

Work in the morning.

Winnie cooked pasta for me and it's yummy.

he work afternoon ):

asked winnie if i should give him the x'mas letter i wrote for him,

which sort of contained what i feel inside...

yes, me myself don't even know how should i be feeling... it's all mixed up...

brother is right.. i'm too (*@^&# 'cause one day i can be very happy talking about him and the next i might be crying talking about him.. sigh..

winnie gave both me and agnes a surprise!

'cause i thought we only making gingerbread man for each other (me & winnie for agnes [which she didn't know]. agnes & winnie for me [which i didn't know])

it's very cute hehe. and i've got it displayed on the rack beside my bed.

hope it won't invite ants though.

how how how how.....

i'm afraid giving it to him might make him have the wrong idea ):

and winnie say 'if after giving it to him and read, and you still expect an answer from him/ waiting for something, then i'd advice you not to give. But if you want to give it to him and after giving, you're going to put an end to all these waiting, then i'll advice you to give.' sigh...

오후 11:00

2010년 12월 25일 토요일

didn't sleep a wink yesterday.

well, for a lil' while that is.

headed for acupuncture with grandma, mum and xena.

and when the uncle poke the needle into xena hand,

she went 'ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch' hahaha super hilarious.

it's a bit pain but after awhile it's sort of okay. at least it's bearable.

the needle poke poke poke!

after taking out, there's a small small hole. i think it can't be seen from here. lol.

spent time doing his x'mas card,

though it's very simple and plain.

headed to his blk there, in the hope that he'll be working morning.

so from 4.15pm or so, i waited till 5pm and still no sight of him.

so yeah, i walked home.

and i'm thinking... if tmr he also not working morning or didn't smile/talk to each other,

then i'll say goodbye to the card..

whhhhhhhhhhhhhhy! sigh.

dad cooked curry again.

i'm going to eat it soon or later.

i just ate one wang wang. and one whole packet of wang wang by myself ytd.

오후 5:50

Merry Christmas everyone.

it's going to be a lonely christmas for me. i hope the others are enjoying.

Dear Santa,

my wish for my cousins is that they'll always be with me and stay happy no matter what.

Dear Santa,

my wish for U-Kiss is that they'll always be together and in 2011, their hard work for the years will be recognized.

Dear Santa,

my wish for TVXQ is that they'll be back as 5ive in 2011 and show SME and those who despised them, their true power!

Dear Santa,

my wish for Li Yi is that he'll be strong and stay happy in Singapore. That he'll be able to see his mum again after his 2 years contract in Singapore has ended.

Dear Santa,

my wish for my friends is that they'll be who they want in life and accomplish them.

& dear Santa, since I've wished for so many things already,

i shan't make a wish for myself. 'cause i don't know what to wish for either.

that's it.

오전 12:10

2010년 12월 24일 금요일

It's Christmas Eve.

hanged out with brother and his friend, Daniel at somewhere near white sands just now.

got the thought of buying him a new bag,

but... will he not like it?

and i actually got the thought of writing a christmas card for him and wait at his block downstairs.

so i actually rushed through writing Merry Christmas in chinese using popcorn pen.

end up i decided to give it tmr instead. 'cause by the time i'm done with it, it's already past 11pm.

so, i wrote a draft of what i wanted to tell him.

and it turned out to be quite long. omg. it filled the whole paper. well, almost.

all in chinese. it's been so long since i've written in chinese and it feels weird.

before all these, i was crying.

'cause i thought of spending either x'mas eve night or x'mas night with him.

but i know it won't come true.

and then i know i shouldn't believe in those tarot card things or w/e but idkw,

the result came out as 'You are unwilling to accept the breakup as a fact; refused to let go; and afraid of the change. You are being radical because you resist to this change. And because of that, you will hurt some people. Be considerate before taking any action. Do not take things too hard, and move on with your life.'

idkw but i think it's true. i refuse to accept it as a fact. i'm still holding on and afraid of the change.

and it said 'you will hurt some people' and i thought of him.

'cause of me, agnes and winnie they all don't really like him. why?

and yes, thinking and thinking just made me cry out. sigh.

오후 11:49

2010년 12월 22일 수요일

was looking through my archives in sept, right from the start.

and i was smiling to myself most of the times.

10 sept was when we got together.

12 aug is his birthday.

dad cooked curry chicken for me just now.

yummy! really.

mixed feelings right now.

idkw either. haha.

오후 6:17

2010년 12월 21일 화요일

alright, i'm bored here.

sunday i've got craving for curry chicken and i begged brother to go buy it.

end up i beg until i cry.

even i got shocked at myself. lol.

ytd work and i thought he work morning.

who knows is same shift as me.

then was standing at the back and i was damn bored.

keep tying ribbons and i didn't even bother to serve customers only when they ask me questions, lol.

i've got such a great service! hehe.

i think today he either off or work morning right?

i think so. lol.

ok, i want go poo poo already. stomach pain.

bye bye.

오후 1:27

2010년 12월 19일 일요일

Last minute work.

closing was quite fast and yeah.

i went off first and while i walk past toastbox,

he walked past me and swing his hand infront of me.

then waited for bus.

thought of waiting for last one 'cause the 2nd last bus alot people.

but end up didn't.

who knows the first stop after interchange, i saw him boarding the bus.

lucky at that time i was watching video on ipod, so i pretended not to see him.

he was seated somewhere behind me and yeah.

i was thinking 'in the past, it's me seated somewhere behind him and looking at his back-view. now since he's seated somewhere behind me, is he doing the same thing as i did back then?' sigh.

i think, he didn't suppose i'd be on that bus?

sigh.

why is it always like this? ):

오전 12:08

2010년 12월 18일 토요일

met chinmei to go kbox.

had lotsa fun there and i think we left an impression on the staffs there lol.

then headed to tamp1.

thought i'll be able to reach before 4pm to see him, but no ):

slacked at tea dot till 6pm+ and headed to meet with joey and joanne.

take mrt till cityhall, actually intended go timbre end up too much people.

so we ended up at clarke quay.

ate at Manhattan Fish Market and the fries and mushroom soup is yummy!

leg was damn tired and pain due to boots i think?

walked around and lucky we didn't enter the area where there's alot of pubs and clubs.

agnes told me that one day she bought curry chicken and spoon served her.

then she say she gave him a 'bu shuang' look and he was having a 'why did you give me that expression when i didn't do anything wrong' look.

sigh.

'cause of me... ):

anyway, took pictures and bus 12 home.

a 1hr+ ride from there omg.

and now my legs are damn pain!

plus i'm hungry but lazy go kitchen cook noodles ):

and did i mention?

ONE WAY IS COMING TO SINGAPORE ^^

and omgwtf. it's for a club event at Zouk!

and VIP tix costs $68 omgwtf.

if there's a fan-meet i'll definitely go for that instead of this.

'cause i don't really know that place well, later lost how?

sigh.

money please drop from the sky thankyou.

오전 1:31

2010년 12월 16일 목요일

yesterday headed to tamp1 to meet sis for her dinner.

i didn't eat anything 'cause too full.

thought he'll be working morning but no.

and he's not at the cashier either, 'cause he's serving the food.

sister ordered meesiam (i think) and pork floss toast.

then he served the toast to us omg.

and he was looking at me after he placed the toast on the table,

while taking the number tag away.

then i had a dream about him.

idk what happened at the front part, but then at the later part,

he was like at my place?

and we were going out. when we're nearing the lift i saw rebecca coming out from her house LOL.

then i quickly run down the stairs, and her friends are at the stairs.

then he was tagging behind me and when rebecca knew it was me,

her friends chased after me hahaha.

then at that moment from chasing until i'm being caught,

all reminded me of running man! hahaha. epic not?

and i think that's about it?

lucky enough that i'm able to still order oneway's album directly from onewaysg.

no need spend extra money on shipping or w/e.

and damnit, i need money right now seriously.

wallet left with $10 bank left with $5 how pathetic.

and tmr i'll be like, out for the whole day.

kbox and timbre. wtf.

timbre is ex man. how how how?

오후 2:55

2010년 12월 15일 수요일

i try

to wake up early and to sacrifice my sleeping time to go have breakfast 'cause i don't know if he'll be working morning or afternoon.

i try

to do the things i'm supposed to for closing as fast as possible 'cause i wish to talk to him again.

i try

to tell myself that everything's going to be alright.

but the more i try,

the more stupid i feel.

the more i try,

the more i feel like crying.

the more i try,

the more i feel like i'm useless.

the more i try,

the more i think that he doesn't even feel the same way as i did for him.

the more i try,

the more i'll think why didn't he try as well...

오전 12:21

2010년 12월 13일 월요일

i went to work! well, initially i didn't want to, 'cause i know it's his off day LOL.

but still went.

stand at the front, made the icing sugar while talking to agnes.

then just nice we're touching on the topic of me and spoon.

then i was saying 'sian. today he off cannot see him' and she was like 'then u take off also lah. haha' then i never reply.

and suddenly she say 'eh. is that him or i see wrongly?' then i look up and ...

it's him! hahaha. in his casual clothes. then i quickly turn back look at agnes and she was like laughing at me and keep di-siao me!

one thing which make me happy is 'cause i think he came down to see me? lol. though we didn't talk or what lah.

'cause usually when it's his off day, he won't travel to tamp1.

okay maybe i thinking too much but whatever LOL.

at least i'm happy hahaha.

then played with icing sugar with winnie.

decorated it with the leftovers decorations which customers bought.

then super sian 'cause no customers one haha.

then during closing, emperor walked over and look at winnie count things.

then he suddenly call out to me 'cause i washing things and he say why i so quiet and i just laugh haha.

then after i wash finish i was at the back sms-ing and emperor say 'xiaomei. i go off first' and i reply 'ok. today your last day at tamp1?' and he say 'no. until friday.' aww ):

means it's like my last day tmr to see him. lol.

it's always fun with emperor around leh! hahaha.

tmr breakfast with agnes at 9am 'cause i told her i want see him tmr.

and maybe he working morning ):

then she say 'then eat breakfast lor.' and i was like ok i don't mind hahaha.

오후 11:54

2010년 12월 12일 일요일

had work today, in the morning as usual and he's working morning as well ^^

did what i'm supposed to and let hua and mei try the oreo truffles i made.

they say it's nice ^^ yay!

then hua give me suggestion, saying maybe i should not crush it too much so the inside can have the crunchy feel.

then agnes winnie and desiree tried it and they say it's nice as well ^^

oh, and i was wondering all the way at work if me and him will be taking same bus home.

so out of boredom i spin the name tag thing and if it's facing me, then yes.

and it's true!

then i think 'is it trying to make me happy only that's why when spin, it face me?' and i spin again and this time it's not facing me. means it's not true that it's only trying to make me happy, but true that me and him taking bus home together LOL.

then again, i think 'will it be awkward for me and him taking same bus home?' and it's not facing me again! which means it won't be awkward between me and him LOL.

yeah, lame i know. but it's true man! omg.

4pm end work, which is the same as him.

then i walk to bus interchange first though i know he's still in the shop.

then just nice around 3mins later after i reached bus 81 side,

i turned my head and saw him.

lucky he didn't see me though, lol. then i quickly turn back and in my heart i was like 'omg what should i do? will he say hello to me? will he talk to me? will it be awkward?' then suddenly he tap my shoulder on the right.

so i turn to the right and saw no one so i turned left and he laugh at me ~

then on the bus, we started talking.

and our conversation goes like this:

Him: You now work very little already ah?
Me: yeah. now only work sunday monday and tuesday.
Him: like that will have enough to spend every month?
Me: erm, for now still enough lah, haha.
Him: How are you doing recently?
Me: erm, considered ok? haha. (but i wish to say i'm not okay.)
Him: i'm getting my bonus soon. haha. you all part-timers don't have right?
Me: haha. yeah, we don't have.
Him: after i get my bonus i treat you eat... *me look at him* yu pian mifen. (i forgot what is it called in english. it's noodles mixed with sliced fish.)
Me: hahaha. okay sure. btw, emperor now forever working here again or?
Him: he will go back to other outlets soon. actually the management wanted to sack him 'cause he keep making mistakes, but just nice we not enough people to work so they keep him but put him at other outlets.
Me: oh.
Him: and my room mate last day is tomorrow. he don't want to work at toastbox anymore. (idk if he did say he's going back to china after resigning).
Me: oh? why?
Him: (forgotten the reason he said) ... i also don't feel like working hahaha.
Me: haha
Him: tomorrow is my off. you off also?
Me: no, i got to work tomorrow. 3pm to closing.

*i wonder if i say i never work tomorrow, will he like ask me out or something? haha* sorry i think too much /slapsself/

and i think that's about it? idk.

after reach home then i realize i left brother's phone at icing room!

so i rush down again -.-

then i also told winnie what happened and both her and agnes was like LOL.

but seriously, being able to talk to him made me happy (:

오후 6:37

End up i headed to tamp1 to buy ingredients for making oreo truffles,

'cause cousin (zhao kai) last min sms me say he working at tamp1 cold storage.

so yeah, went over.

and... spoon work morning ~

stayed till 6pm then go home, 'cause i'm a good cousin.

i wait until 5pm which is his break then eat with him.

and omg, it's actually his first time eating subway -.-

oh, and he let me drink the wine and eat the chocolates, omg.

heaven man! ^^

so, after i reach home i sort of slacked awhile before touching down on making oreo truffles.

making the oreo into crumbs really make my hand very tired lol.

other than that, all is alright i suppose.

just that it ain't really a perfect ball after dipping inside the melted chocolate 'cause i think the balls i made ain't refrigerated long enough.

thus when i use fork to dip it, it gets out of shape.

and my final product:

nice right?!

i knew it! hahaha.

i mean for both the appearance and the photography skills hehehe.

and it tastes great!

even brother and mum likes it hehe.

i'm thinking of making this as a christmas gift or something for those close relatives and friends of mine.

any one wants it? hehe.

오전 12:41

2010년 12월 11일 토요일

Alright.

The dance cover is finally uploaded to youtube. lol.

so, this ain't the best. I'm trying to re-record and post up a better one.

till then. LOL.

heading down to tamp1 later to cold storage buy ingredients for making oreo truffles ^^

i hope it's a success for me though haha.

and hopefully... see him? idk.

오후 12:48

2010년 12월 10일 금요일

Yesterday i officially tried dancing to Orange Caramel's A~ing!

wearing the icing room outfit hehe.

i quite like it man! LOL. not that i danced very well ~

but yeah. hahaha.

okay, bored.

why i keep got the urge to want to see him? ):

i don't like this me. /sighforever/

오후 9:10

2010년 12월 8일 수요일

yesterday emperor is back to tamp1 outlet.

and he's still the same! haha.

always tap me on my back when he walk past me, lol.

then at night winnie called out to him twice he didn't hear,

then i shout 'emperor' (in chinese) and he was like 'yeeeees~?' (in chinese).

and he still call me xiaomei hahaha.

got emperor at tamp1 then fun sia. if not like so boring.

'cause emperor always makes fun of us and talk to us!

anyway, supposed to help out and be volunteer at JYP audition,

so i woke at 5.30 left house at 6 and from pasir ris i train all the way to jurong east and switched to red line till choa chu kang and switched to lrt till senja.

and when i reached there, i couldn't find my way.

so end up i didn't go volunteer and just train back home again -.-

cool or what.

but oh well, it's been a long time since i've woken up that early.

still can see the stars when i left house, so nice.

got the urge to go tamp1, idkw either.

sigh.

i should forget. forget forget forget.

오후 2:11

2010년 12월 5일 일요일

slept very late and woke up very early 'cause of frankie's morning call.

reached work place early and slept at the stairs for awhile.

forgotten how to do opening and it's damn boring!

no people and all.

then tied my hair very loosely.

afternoon and i saw him heading to work.

y'know... i wanted and had told my heart to ignore him, don't look at him and all.

but then... when he went for his break, just nice i was standing at the fridge and i don't know if it's i'm thinking too much or what.

'cause he walked past me, but then the distance between us is very close and he sort of touched my hair?

idk if is accidentally or on purpose, but ya..

that moment made my heart beat increase, very fast! idkw either! omg.

i did turned to see, but then he didn't turn back or anything.

so idk if what i think is correct or wrong! ):

tmr working night shift, 3pm to closing.

sigh.

if he's working night as well, bet he's going to walk instead of take bus.

who wanna bet with me? for a macdonalds' meal, haha.

okay, i love my hair. really.

i keep telling mei 'my hair can fly now. hehe.' & 'omg i love my hair, hahaha.' and she was like 'yes yes. your hais is the best now. hahaha'!

tired. might be taking a nap or something later? idk.

left my apron at workplace, damnit. lol.

오후 5:43

headed to JB with Joey and her parents.

it was raining heavily when we reached bugis.

reached JB around 12pm or so.

shocked to see kianwei as well when we are at the m'sia custom! hahaha.

walked around City Square to find a cheap salon but none.

so cabbed to Holiday Inn Plaza and found one called 'IntermEde'.

i took the junior one, which is 120RM without treatment while Joey chose the one which will be done by a senior with treatment.

mine was done by a guy junior and i find it weird LOL.

almost fell asleep while waiting hahaha.

but his skills not bad lah. 'cause outcome of my hair is that it doesn't seem to be damaged badly and it's smooth!

then after that Joey went to do manicure while me and her mum walked around the mall.

i'm very satisfied with my hair now ^^ hehe.

then we walked around look at shoes and to our surprise!

we saw kianwei again! haha. a pity that we didn't take a picture together LOL.

and then we headed back to City Square for dinner.

Ate sushi and we cam-whored haha.

after dinner we started heading back.

joey taught me how to blow a bubble hahaha.

then we decided to take a photo of us blowing the bubble!

but i keep on fail -.- LOL.

then only on the 6th attempt then i passed! twin bubble somemore! hahaha.

enjoyed myself ^^

work later at 10am to 4pm and i'm not yet asleep. omg. die die die.

오전 1:20

2010년 12월 4일 토요일

last minute got called down to work while winnie went home to rest.

quite fun working again.

told myself not to look towards his direction or care about him.

i managed to do it, well at least i suppose i did.

just that sometimes unknowingly i'll look over a lil' while.

when he went off with the two phillipinos,

i knew that he really treats me like a stranger now.

'cause he walked past our shop, i was standing there packing my bag.

he didn't say bye or anything, just... walked away.

and i also knew if this is the case, he might be walking home.

yeah whatever.

going JB with joey later!

a good thing, 'cause i can stop thinking about him (i hope) during the time i'm over there.

the last time i went there, i failed.

i'm still thinking about him, so i hope this time not.

sigh. if only i could go bali and relax myself for at least a week.

a week of freedom, a week free of worries and hopefully a week not thinking about him.

the more i think, the more i suppose he got a phone already.

'cause today while closing, there's songs playing from toastbox side (HSM songs, obviously from handphone).

and when i heard that HSM song, the first thought which came to mind was 'is it playing from his phone?'

'cause i remember he told me like watching HSM.

sigh sigh sigh.

오전 1:18

2010년 12월 3일 금요일

headed to tamp1 for breakfast with agnes.

javin joined us, chat about the past and present.

agnes headed to work, me and javin slacked and walked around.

had lunch with winnie and agnes but i didn't eat.

6pm javin headed home and i'm at tamp1 waiting for agnes knock off.

helped out in wrapping the biscuits.

talked about spoon to agnes.

frankie came and crapped.

i wonder if my eyes are playing a trick on me,

but i thought i saw him using a phone when i was helping out with closing.

told agnes about it, hold back my tears.

reach home, told brother about it.

mum suddenly came out of toilet ask me questions, i crapped nonsense to her and laughed, then cried a lil'.

mum didn't notice, she went back toilet, i went kitchen and cry.

he's really treating me like a stranger now?

i bet he's forgotten my phone number?

if what i saw was right, he must've not have the thought of contacting me, even as a friend.

silent break...

people around me want me to ask him and sort things out clearly as to why we broke up.

i wish i can, but i don't want to.

yes i'm curious, but i don't wish for it to kill the remaining parts of me.

'cause i heeded their advice, 'cause i wanted to sort things out clearly as to why he said those words the day before my b'day,

things turned out this way when i least expected it.

what if this time round i ask again, and the answer is more hurtful than thought?

what if i ask again, and we can't even be strangers anymore?

what if i ask again, and from then on he won't even want to see me?

what if i ask again, and it just burdens him more?

what if i ask again, and it just brings me and him further apart until i lose sight of him forever?

what if what if what if...

what if we were never together

what if i had never fallen for you

what if i had not accepted you even though i love you

what if i just let things be and not ask you that question

what if i never make any effort to see you during work

what if i never tire myself out just to be with you for a short while during breaks

what if i never schedule my work timing just to be the same as yours

what if i never try, will you try?

오전 12:20