The day time at work was a good one.
Hao played with blackforest cake and he wanted me to eat one,
but end up drop on floor.
so i went to get tissue paper and i saw him standing at basin there,
so i wanted to pass the paper to him.
who knows, his hand is smeared with blackforest cake and he smeared the cake on my hand while taking the paper.
so i walk to the basin wanting to make his face but well, i'm too short.
then later jia yi, me, agnes and winnie was standing at basin there,
he came with the cake wanting to throw it away and he talk talk keep wanting to smash the cake on our faces,
end up i didn't notice enough and there goes my face being smashed with the cake.
lucky it's only a lil' bit and it's fun playing like that with them.
night time ain't that great...
i was washing the muffin trays, just nice i got to turn back (facing toilet pathway) to take the trays and i saw him walking.
and i think he knew i was looking from the reflection while he's walking so he turned back and i acted as though i'm just taking the tray to wash.
at first i didn't bother much, but what changed my mood after that was that he was using a phone...
i dare say, i've worked at icing room and see people walk past and i know clearly who's using their phone and who's not.
my whole heart just sank.... the letter which i've written.... in my mind i already has an answer, that is not to give him and just give up on everything...
after changing and all, i took out the letter and tore it up while telling winnie that i'm never ever going to give the card to him...
and she asked me to walk over and she said 'has your heart really settled down?' and i told her, by tonight i will.
she said she wanted to pat me, but didn't 'cause her hand is dirty and i just said 'but i want you to pat me, right now' and she used her head instead.
i'm...about to break down at that point of time but i didn't. i didn't want to trouble her, 'cause i realized she's always the one who is willing to lend me a shoulder to cry on and the one who is there to care.
she knew what i'm going to do, so she asked if i wanted to stay and wait for her but i said no. i really feel bad for troubling her always with my problem.
while waiting for bus, i almost cried...
i hold it in. i alighted at my usual stop and went to 7-11 and wanted to buy lots of bottles of Hooch to drink but they didn't sell..
so went home empty handed and feeling super down.
dad was home mum was home basically everyone's home...
cried inside the toilet 'cause i actually wanted to go to bed but that fucking sis of mine just ruined it...
wanted to head out instead but idk to where... so toilet is my only solution..
the moment i close the toilet door i cried...
and i fucking hate my mind 'cause it just kept replaying that scene which i saw...
it's really....painful to know the truth... especially when you see it with your own eyes...
after crying, after settling down my mind, i deleted the pictures we took from my phone, deleted his tenant's house number.
and i headed to use laptop and deleted the folder which contains him from facebook and everywhere possible...
what's left is to delete him from my heart and mind and i know i can do it...
i should've known that it wasn't real right from the start,
that it wasn't real when he gave up on the relationship so easily after that day.
i should not have been so stupid as to still hoping and holding on when i know that he's already given up, that easily.
i shouldn't have been so stupid right from the start...
i should have heeded their advices...
but it's never too late, right?
I want a Macbook
오전 12:09